A Fresh Start / True Friends
Winter quarter I decided that I needed a fresh start. It was an extremely difficult time in my life when I lost some friends that I was extremely close to but made a few new friends that helped me through. But the loss of those close friends hit me pretty hard. I was heartbroken. I've gone through so many lost friendships but also struggled to really make friends. I've had my share of friends but there have been very few that I've really been super close too. But these ones were special and they hurt as such. It became to hard for me to see anything that reminded me of these people and I realized that many people I was following on social media I wasn't even friends with. So in my process of trying to move on I had to cut off so many people. From everything; Facebook, Instagram, Snap Chat, and Twitter. It was nothing against anyone, it was just something I had to do to protect myself. I had to get myself out of that constant cycle of falling back into the same emotions that were starting to destroy me mentally and emotionally.
But even though I was making all of these little steps I still felt like I wasn't going anywhere, I wasn't improving. I felt I was in a rut. So I needed to make a change, and a big one. So I decided to pack up and move to Spokane. I had been thinking about moving for a long time and planned to move to Spokane right out of high school but life happened and choices were made so I kept putting it off. As more time went by the more I didn't want to leave. But I needed a change and somewhere that I could grow as a person. At this point in my life I knew I was growing in my faith and learning to have my own life but I was struggling to find myself again. I got to the point where the only way I felt I could grow how I needed to and to heal from the recent hurt was a fresh start.
So I made the move. One thing you learn right away when you move to a new town is who your real friends are. Your real friends will check up on you until you start to feel settled. But they also give you your space to get settled but don't get butt-hurt if you don't have as much time for them as you used to. They will ask if you have been able to make any friends yet and push you to step outside your comfort zone because they don't want you to feel alone. But they are always a phone call away when you do. They are the friends that think you are important enough to make time to drive 3 hours to see you. Which I know that may not sound very far or like a big deal, but trust me, when you move that far away very few of your friends will even stay in touch with you. Which that is hard but the big lesson you have to learn is that your true friends will show themselves and the others you have to learn to let go of.
One thing my mom tells me all the time is that you don't need a lot of friends. If you have a few really good true friends, then you are blessed.
Because moving is such an adjustment and losing friends is hard it can be one of the best ways to grow as a person. It forces you to put yourself out there to make friends in your area but also can give you a chance to reflect on your life. It gives you a chance to make changes to establish your life the way you want it to be and then find people that can come along side you. I have found that trying to make changes in your life when you are surrounded by friends can be hard because many times you will lose friends because they do not have the same motivations that you do. More often then not they will not understand if you stop certain behaviors and create other ones. For example; when I make friends that do not go to church regularly or at all then when I try to start getting into that habit again usually those friend fade because I start making time for church instead of them. On another hand, if you want to quit partying so much you will lose a lot of friends that you made through partying.
You cannot hold these things against those people but you have to accept and learn to move on and to let them go. If friends aren't helping you to succeed and better yourself and help you to grow your relationship with God then they usually aren't the people that you want to build your life around. This is a lesson I am still learning and adjusting to but trust me when I say that once you remove toxic people and situations from your life, your confidence, your happiness and your quality of life will go up.
But even though I was making all of these little steps I still felt like I wasn't going anywhere, I wasn't improving. I felt I was in a rut. So I needed to make a change, and a big one. So I decided to pack up and move to Spokane. I had been thinking about moving for a long time and planned to move to Spokane right out of high school but life happened and choices were made so I kept putting it off. As more time went by the more I didn't want to leave. But I needed a change and somewhere that I could grow as a person. At this point in my life I knew I was growing in my faith and learning to have my own life but I was struggling to find myself again. I got to the point where the only way I felt I could grow how I needed to and to heal from the recent hurt was a fresh start.
So I made the move. One thing you learn right away when you move to a new town is who your real friends are. Your real friends will check up on you until you start to feel settled. But they also give you your space to get settled but don't get butt-hurt if you don't have as much time for them as you used to. They will ask if you have been able to make any friends yet and push you to step outside your comfort zone because they don't want you to feel alone. But they are always a phone call away when you do. They are the friends that think you are important enough to make time to drive 3 hours to see you. Which I know that may not sound very far or like a big deal, but trust me, when you move that far away very few of your friends will even stay in touch with you. Which that is hard but the big lesson you have to learn is that your true friends will show themselves and the others you have to learn to let go of.
One thing my mom tells me all the time is that you don't need a lot of friends. If you have a few really good true friends, then you are blessed.
Because moving is such an adjustment and losing friends is hard it can be one of the best ways to grow as a person. It forces you to put yourself out there to make friends in your area but also can give you a chance to reflect on your life. It gives you a chance to make changes to establish your life the way you want it to be and then find people that can come along side you. I have found that trying to make changes in your life when you are surrounded by friends can be hard because many times you will lose friends because they do not have the same motivations that you do. More often then not they will not understand if you stop certain behaviors and create other ones. For example; when I make friends that do not go to church regularly or at all then when I try to start getting into that habit again usually those friend fade because I start making time for church instead of them. On another hand, if you want to quit partying so much you will lose a lot of friends that you made through partying.
You cannot hold these things against those people but you have to accept and learn to move on and to let them go. If friends aren't helping you to succeed and better yourself and help you to grow your relationship with God then they usually aren't the people that you want to build your life around. This is a lesson I am still learning and adjusting to but trust me when I say that once you remove toxic people and situations from your life, your confidence, your happiness and your quality of life will go up.
Nicely done. You are making hard choices and moving into a life that suits you and that is all about what it means to grow up.
ReplyDeleteWhen I taught I used to tell my seniors that the people in their class, the people sitting next to them, would likely not be their friends beyond high school. (WHOA, reality check!) They didn't like to hear that and it was hard for them to fathom, but I was speaking from my own experience and from watching countless groups of students leave. The fact is that you grew up with those people and in many cases were "forced" to hang out because you were all int he same grade, classes, sports, etc. together. True friends are never forced.
The reality of it all is that you may retain about three or four high school friends. They are your true friends.They stick with you, thick and thin, and though there may be physical distance between you they remain friends like you never left (or they never left). Phone calls and visits just pick right up where you left off.
College friends are the same. You hang out with people; you study with people; you room with people. Again, the reality is that some of them will remain life-long friends and others are just in your life for that season. It really has nothing to do with you, it's just all part of each individual's journey.
Life is about seasons. You enter one and then leave. God puts people in our lives for seasons. Trials come and go, just like seasons. God uses people and trials to help up grow into the person He designed us to be. You are learning this and I am so proud of you for putting your heart on your sleeve and showing us how you are growing. You have many adventures ahead of you, in this next season, and I can't wait so see what God has in store. Just remember, it all has a purpose.
Love you, cousin!